|
THE LAST RESORT by
Jack Duffe CAST OF CHARACTERS ADAM: A man in his late 20s with a steady girlfriend and job. “LEAR”: One of Adam’s old college buddies. A militant nerd. TRISHA: Adam’s girlfriend, a bright young face on Fox News. “HUGHES”:
One of Adam’s
old college buddies. A nerd in a jock’s body. “CID”:
One
of Adam’s old college buddies. A technology geek. SCENE A buffet restaurant,
Adam and Trisha’s kitchen, and a Fox News breakroom. TIME The year 2010
– five
years from now. THE LAST RESORT SCENE 1 SETTING:
A buffet
restaurant. AT RISE:
HUGHES
and CID, both in their late 20s, sit at the end of a table with three
more
chairs, waiting. Five empty plates are on the table.
(HUGHES checks his watch.) HUGHES You sure you sent
them the right address? It’s almost nineteen. CID Yeah, a couple times.
Want me to call again? My new phone’s awesome, did you see it? (CID
reaches into the front pocket of his stereotypical geek shirt, but
HUGHES holds
up his hand.) HUGHES Nah, don’t
bother. Lear
ought to be here before then. He organized the thing, after all. CID Yeah. . .hey, do you
ever find it odd that we keep referring to each other like that? HUGHES Like what, Cid? CID Like that. By our
old handles. It doesn’t say “Cid”
anywhere on my birth certificate but I can’t
get you to call me anything else. HUGHES Oh, that’s
just how nicknames
work. You’re a techie-— CID Engineer. HUGHES —-And I
don’t know how many
college organizations you were
in—- CID It was barely into
double digits. HUGHES —-And it says
“Cid”
in your Net address, so that’s good enough for humanity. CID So you’re
really
prepared to go through life having people call you Hughes? HUGHES A nerd knows the
risks when he picks his second name.
(ADAM and TRISHA walk on stage behind CID.) CID Heh, you sound just
like him. ADAM Like who?
(HUGHES rises to greet them. CID stands up
and turns around.) CID Hey Adam! There you
are! HUGHES ‘Bout time,
old
buddy!
(HUGHES gives ADAM a sudden hug. TRISHA
backs away.) HUGHES Man, it’s been
way
too long! ADAM Yeah, guess so. . .. CID And this must be the
new girlfriend, eh? TRISHA
(to ADAM) “New?”
(ADAM wrests himself free.) ADAM What? She’s
not new
at all! I’ll have you know we’ve been going out for
a year and living and
working together and—- TRISHA I was teasing, Adam. ADAM Uh, right. . ..
(HUGHES puts ADAM in an amicable headlock.) HUGHES Come on, guy, learn
to take a joke. Haven’t changed in five years. CID Yeah, Lear already
told me you had a girl. TRISHA
(to HUGHES) So are you Lear?
Adam said you guys went by Internet names.
(HUGHES releases ADAM.) HUGHES No, I’m
Hughes, and he’s
Sid with a ‘C.’ Lear ought to be arriving soon,
he’s not one to be late. TRISHA Sid and Hughes sound
real enough. HUGHES I know! He’s
“Cid”
for a bunch of reasons and I’m “Hughes”
because one time I got mugged in a
phone booth. It’s really convenient that they’re
normal names, not like
“Raksha” or anything.
TRISHA Uh, well, pleased to
meet you. I’m-—
HUGHES Let me guess.
Lilith? Rei, maybe? TRISHA Uh. . .. HUGHES See, because
you’re
with a guy named Adam. TRISHA I don’t get it. ADAM Ignore him, Trisha,
he never quite grew out of the nerd phase.
(ADAM scoots a chair out for TRISHA, who
smiles and
seats herself. ADAM sits at a short end of
the table.) HUGHES Trisha, eh? You look
pretty good for a human transmutation.
(TRISHA stares at him, confused.) ADAM Oh lord, don’t
tell
me you still watch that show. CID Hey, F-M-A is a
classic. TRISHA F-M-A?
(ADAM sighs and scratches his head.) ADAM Half a decade out of
college and they’re still into Japanese cartoons. TRISHA Oh, like Pokeymon
and Iny-asha? That’s about all I remember from back then.
(HUGHES and CID stare at her in comical
shock.) ADAM Yeah. Some guys just don’t grow up at the same rate. HUGHES Oh, you’re a
fine
one to talk!
(HUGHES leans over towards TRISHA.) HUGHES Did you know this
guy carried a lunchbox of this one series up through twelfth grade? It
was
about these two arguably lesbian assassin girls. . .. ADAM Hey! She -- she
doesn’t
need to know that! HUGHES Anime was his
version of porn, seriously. ADAM No it wasn’t!
(TRISHA giggles.) TRISHA Don’t worry, I
think
it’s cute. CID So. We’re
practically all here, why not hit up the buffet? (ADAM crosses his arms
and glances around.) ADAM Sure, if you want to
piss off our benefactor. LEAR
(V.O.) God damn it! CID Speaking of whom.
(LEAR storms in, disshelved. He’s dressed
in
jeans, glasses,
white shirt and argyle sweater.) LEAR How late am I? ADAM Not late at all.
LEAR How late am I.
(HUGHES checks his watch.) HUGHES Thirty-two seconds.
(LEAR harshly seats himself at the other
end of the table
opposite ADAM and nearest to HUGHES.) LEAR Damn it all! It was
one red light after another. I’m sorry I kept you all waiting
so long.
Especially you, Adam. This must be your girl. TRISHA Trisha. And you are? LEAR Lear. But without
the Spec or the Silo.
(TRISHA gives him an understandable
confused look.) LEAR Not a fan of classic
web animation, I take it.
(TRISHA chuckles.) TRISHA Yeah, sorry
I’m not
much of a geek like you guys.
(CID leans his forehead on one hand.) CID Oh, you
didn’t. . .. LEAR A geek? A geek?
Don’t you see this sweater? TRISHA What about it? LEAR
(standing) I’m quite obviously a nerd, that’s what! There’s a tremendous difference. ADAM You told me if I
came here you wouldn’t start with this. CID Don’t bother. LEAR
(gestures to CID) Here is a geek, and
a fine example of one. The geek is the specialized nerd, one whose
realm of
expertise is unmatched in one or two fields. The nerd is the
generalized geek,
and may even be a half-geek himself, but his interests are so numerous
that—- ADAM Lear, sit down. LEAR
(gestures to ADAM) And here! Observe:
the dork. A quiet and/or socially awkward nerd who, while he may
exhibit them
fully in private, keeps most or all of his geek tendencies locked away
where
they can be of no use to humanity or himself. ADAM Sit down. LEAR Not yet. Your girl
sounded like she meant to phrase her incorrect label as a pejorative.
(to TRISHA) I’ll have you
know
that nerds are carrying this
country
since the crash. The stupid selfish short-sighted sub-sapiens create
the messes
and it’s always up to the nerds, without exception, to devise
ways to clean them
up again. From Reagan to Bush and now to Harris—- TRISHA Okay! Okay. I get
it, I’m sorry.
(ADAM glares across the table at LEAR.) ADAM Forgive my dear old
college friend, hon. He thinks his opinions matter just because he runs
a
website. TRISHA Really?
(LEAR holds out his hands incredulously at ADAM.) LEAR “A
website?” You’re
talking about Parendash, man! Parendash! Only the most relevant
technological,
historical and political news site on the Internet!
(HUGHES gives a little wave to TRISHA.) HUGHES We help him run it. LEAR Don’t tell me
you
started living outside the nerd community since I saw you last, Adam. ADAM I’ve done a
lot of
things since then and I don’t recall needing your approval
for any of them. CID Uh, hey! Now that
we’re really all here,
why don’t we visit
the buffet? LEAR Yes, that sounds
good. You three go on ahead. Adam and I need to discuss something. TRISHA Why not discuss it
now? LEAR Because we’re
not
alone. TRISHA Wouldn’t a
darkened
alley be more your style? LEAR I’d hate to
encroach
on your territory. Now can we have a moment?
(TRISHA and LEAR lock angry stares for a
few seconds.
HUGHES stands up first.) HUGHES Come on, this place
has some great mac ‘n cheese. More for us if we go first.
(HUGHES and CID grab their plates and walk
off.
TRISHA follows reluctantly.) ADAM You didn’t
need to
do that. LEAR And yet I did. Now
tell me, since you obviously got my e-mail: are you interested? ADAM I accepted the
invitation to come here because it meant free food, but
that’s the only part I
accept. I went along with your last one, “Lear,”
but never again. I have too
much to lose now. LEAR Mm. Your girl? I can
understand your concern, as she is rather pretty, but. . ..
(ADAM looks around and speaks in a lower
tone.) ADAM No, Lear. Just no. LEAR It’s a very
good
idea I have. Did you even read my message? Check any of the links? Do
any
research, any sort of critical thinking? ADAM I didn’t need
to. I don’t
want any part of your projects anymore. I’ve been promoted a
few times since
your last one; if I went along I’d be putting my job and Trisha’s on the line. LEAR Why hers? ADAM Are you serious?
Don’t you watch Fox News anymore? LEAR “Anymore?”
You imply
that any real nerd enjoys that squawk box of the vapid. I only attacked
it back
then because you conveniently happened to work there. The delicious
irony was
just a bonus –- but what about your girl? ADAM Well, when they were
in their splurge of hiring young talent a couple years ago, Trisha was
one of
their favorites. She got famous for a while when she explained just why
people
laugh at the name “Santorum,” so they gave her her
own pop-culture show this
season. LEAR
(chuckle) Oh, so she
was that girl. ADAM Yeah. Granted,
I’d like to direct her
show instead of The
Frist Factor, but a job’s a job in this economy. LEAR I see. They give
their young talent a great deal of freedom as long as they
aren’t doing the real
work of directing a TV show, don’t
they? It must be so fulfilling for you to know that her salary is
bigger than
yours just for reading some lines and looking pretty. ADAM . . .Cute. I still
won’t risk both of us for one of your projects, period. LEAR You don’t even
know
what this one is, and you liked the last one well enough.
ADAM What part of
“period”
don’t you understand? LEAR You’re so
short-sighted, Adam. And here I thought you were a real nerd. ADAM Don’t start
with
that again, you’ll just prove you’re insane. LEAR Being a minority of
one is better than letting a good idea die.
(ADAM abruptly stands up and grabs his
plate.) ADAM I’m going to
get my
free dinner. The answer is still going to be no when I get back, so
don’t
bother asking. And knock it off with the nerd stuff around Trisha,
it’s
embarrassing.
(LEAR waves him off.)
LEAR Fine, take your
all-you-can-eat. But knowledge will sate you longer.
(ADAM leaves in silence. LEAR stands up and
grabs his own
plate after a moment’s contemplation.) LEAR . . .Though I admit,
it’s not a very balanced meal. Knowledge lacks protein, after
all.
(LEAR walks off, plate in hand.) SCENE 2 SETTING:
ADAM
and TRISHA’S kitchen, the next morning. AT RISE:
ADAM,
wearing a different shirt, carries a laptop to the kitchen table. He
opens it
and adjusts it to some special angle. ADAM All right,
that’s
better.
(ADAM starts typing off and on, as though
Web surfing.) ADAM Think they’d
tweak
this neighborhood wi-fi, but no, that would take minimal effort. .
.might as
well just move all computers outdoors. Okay, Fark-dot-com.
(TRISHA walks in, wearing PJs. She watches
ADAM
without letting him know she’s there. ADAM One last hangover
from my nerd phase, but at least it’s useful. . .hmm?
“Harris demands greater
cooperation from TRISHA What’s on the
boards,
hon?
(ADAM jumps a bit in his seat the instant
she speaks up.) ADAM Don’t do that!
. . .I’m
checking it out. Something about Harris again. TRISHA That bitch.
What’d
she do now? ADAM Ooh. Careful, Trish,
I could get you fired for that.
(TRISHA, unthreatened, walks over to him
and looks over
his shoulder at the laptop.) TRISHA Uh-huh. And I could
get you fired for voting for Hillary. What does it say? ADAM Looks like the
usual. But she’s trying to ratchet it up this time.
“‘Having had our support in
their struggle for independence,’ President Harris said this
morning, ‘It is due
time for TRISHA What a crock.
I’m
glad I don’t have to parrot it. ADAM Lucky you.
I’ll have
to hear it all day from the talkies. And I bet not one of them will
mention
what we did to “support their struggle.” Damn
idiots.
(TRISHA leans down, hugs him around the
shoulders and
gives him a kiss on the cheek.) TRISHA A job’s a job,
hon.
And it wouldn’t be that much different even if she
wasn’t President, so don’t
dwell on it.
(ADAM leans his head against TRISHA’s for
a
moment,
then takes it away and shrugs himself out
of her hug.) ADAM Trish. . .. TRISHA Yes? ADAM What did you think
of Lear last night? TRISHA Could you believe an Internet-centric guy like that had hardly heard of me? He’s just an arrogant self-centered prick who loves to hear himself talk. ADAM Well, you got most
of those adjectives right, but the last thing he is is self-centered.
He’s
unhealthily the reverse. He can’t stop thinking about
everybody else and what
might be good for them a hundred years in the future. Like back in
college? He
would do people’s research papers for
them if he thought they didn’t have a strong enough thesis. TRISHA So what? He’s
still
an arrogant prick. Why are you concerned about him? ADAM . . .I told you he
was a friend, but I didn’t tell you to what extent. TRISHA Oh God, don’t
tell
me you’re gay for him.
(ADAM stands up and turns around to her.
TRISHA only
smiles in response.) ADAM Wh-what? No,
absolutely not! You should know better than anyone that—- TRISHA It’s a joke,
hon.
You were saying?
(ADAM calms down and begins pacing around
the table.) ADAM Well. . .the news
bit on Harris got me thinking about how she got in office in the first
place --
or, no, I should say how she got that final surge of popularity. You
know what
I mean. TRISHA The video hack?
(ADAM passes her, continuing around the
table.) ADAM Yeah. . .“The
First
Resort.” A damning five minutes about how Katherine Harris
manipulated the 2000
election and people actually supported
her after that metric crapload of spin about it. TRISHA You of all people
should know that the public loves a wounded politician –-
would you stop
pacing? You’re making me dizzy. (TRISHA
stops ADAM short after he passes her a second time. ADAM keeps his back
to her.) TRISHA Now what does that
have to do with anything? ADAM You really could get
me fired for this, you know. Work your way up the ladder by sawing off
a higher
rung. TRISHA Shut up and spit it
out. ADAM Lear made the First
Resort. And it wasn’t a hack at all. I snuck it into the
video feed because he
asked me to. He made a good point, and I thought it was a good idea at
the
time, so I did it.
(TRISHA stares at the back of his head for
a moment.) TRISHA . . .Holy shit. ADAM Yes. I haven’t
told
anyone for obvious reasons. If they fire or arrest me it’ll
be impossible to
find another job. Not to mention you’ll get Ghraibed for
being close to me. I’m
sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. TRISHA No, it’s all
right, just.
. .shit. Does anyone else know?
(ADAM faces her again.) ADAM Lear, Hughes, Cid, myself, and now you. The guys will keep quiet because the DHS already investigated their website a couple times. There’s nothing to worry about. TRISHA So why did he invite
you to dinner last night? Was that what you two
“discussed?” ADAM He said he had
another project, but I told him flat out that I didn’t want
anything to do with
it. TRISHA Will it stick?
(ADAM sits back down. TRISHA moves to
comfort him.) ADAM I don’t know.
But if
he asks again—- TRISHA Then you’ll be
yourself and reject him. Don’t worry about that, and
don’t worry about what he
did before. ‘Cause hey, with the rate that people in this
country forget
things, nobody would care if you helped him anyway. Right? ADAM Heh, yeah. I guess
it’s my job to keep that trend going. TRISHA A job’s a job,
hon.
Better to get paid doing what you hate than hate not getting paid.
(kisses him) Speaking of, what
time is it?
(ADAM looks down at the laptop and squints.) ADAM It’s almost
eight
already! TRISHA Shit! I’d
better get
dressed. Get some waffles or something going, would you?
(TRISHA leaves in a hurry. ADAM sits back
down in front
of the laptop.) ADAM Okay, enough of this
for now. . .but I didn’t check my mail. Oh, one minute
won’t kill me. (ADAM
moves his hand over the touchpad and types something. A second or two
pass.) ADAM Come on, come on. There.
Good, only one message. . ..
(ADAM stares at the screen a moment. He
very deliberately
types four keys in succession.) ADAM The arrogant prick
doesn’t give up. (ADAM
closes the laptop, picks it up and begins to walk off.) ADAM “It would be
good
idea,” he says. Everything’s a good idea outside of
reality.
(ADAM leaves.) SCENE 3 SETTING:
A break
room somewhere in Fox News Central. AT RISE:
CID
enters, holding what looks like a credit card. HUGHES and LEAR follow
him, both
carrying suspicious briefcases.
(CID kisses the card.) CID Got us in just fine.
What did I tell you?
(HUGHES rolls in overdramatically,
commando-style.) HUGHES I was just afraid
they’d have retina scanners! CID For a break room?
Come on. A mag-forged ID card’s good enough for this. LEAR Provided that no one
but him can use it. CID Oh! Right.
(CID
reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bulky old-style cellular phone.
He
shows it off a bit.) HUGHES You still carry that
ugly thing? CID It’s a Trojan
Horse,
genius. There’s a fully functional cel-phone system inside
it, which means I
can use it to keep up an eccentric appearance and use the rest for
infiltration
purposes. LEAR Just hack the door
lock before somebody besides Adam decides to use it, please. CID Can do! (CID
leaves the way he came. LEAR sets his briefcase on the table, opens it
and
takes out a laptop.) LEAR It’s going
like
clockwork so far. . .what are you doing? Get yours out. HUGHES Right, right. (HUGHES
sets his briefcase on the table, unhooks something in front and lifts
the whole
thing off of a briefcase-sized box with a thick antenna on the side.) HUGHES No TV, no microwave,
no vending machines. They call this thing a break room? (HUGHES
raises the antenna and somehow or other connects the box to
LEAR’s laptop.) LEAR It’s a staff break room. Executives get the
good stuff, naturally. However, this one a quiet enough place for the
occasional office tryst and is near enough to the building’s
wireless internet
hotspot that it hasn’t been bricked up yet. HUGHES Wait, how would you
know that? LEAR Adam was here on his
laptop the other day and we had a nice little chat. You see, I
deliberately
contacted him during his work hours so I’d know where to find
this building’s
most secluded access point.
(chuckle) He always did like
finding the quiet corners. His withdrawn dorkish tendencies are still
very
useful to me, whether he knows it or not. HUGHES . . .So how am I useful? LEAR Are you joking?
You’re a dweeb: a nerd with the body of a jock! You possess a
jock’s physical
presence that is usually sacrificed for nerdish brain power.
That’s utility in
itself.
(CID walks back in.) CID Got it fixed. How
long are we going to wait? LEAR Not long, whether or
not he comes. Our broadcast time is in -- Hughes? HUGHES One hour, two
minutes, forty seconds. LEAR And your trial run
took how long, Cid? CID ‘Bout an hour.
But
that was working from the outside, and taking the time to quietly cover
my ass. LEAR Heh-heh. There can
be no defense against the enemy that does not wish to escape. But just
to be
safe, we’ll wait a couple minutes before you take a stab at
it without him. (A
computerized BEEP and an OPENING DOOR are heard offstage.) LEAR Well! “On time
or
earlier.” How efficient of him.
(ADAM walks in, carrying his laptop in a
shoulder bag. He stops short
when he
sees the guys.) ADAM Lear. LEAR Hughes? (HUGHES dashes past ADAM and blocks his way out.) ADAM What’s going
on? How
did you get in here? LEAR In answer to both
your questions: Planning. ADAM I’m going to
call
security. (ADAM
takes out a thin, flip-cover cel phone, which HUGHES grabs and tosses
to CID.) ADAM Hey! CID They call this a
phone? It’s way too delicate.
(CID snaps the cover off the phone.) CID Oops. LEAR Now, Cid, look what
you’ve done. We’ll have to pay him back for that. ADAM You’re damn
right
you will! LEAR Alas, the only currency
we’re carrying is information. You’ll be a very
rich man after we’re done,
Adam. (ADAM
turns around and swings a fist at HUGHES. HUGHES evades and slugs him
in the
stomach. ADAM staggers, HUGHES pushes him over to the table where CID
relieves
him of the laptop bag and forces him to sit down.) LEAR That’s better.
While
you take a rest and catch your breath, let me explain why we are here.
It is,
essentially, a matter of nerds. ADAM Not this again. . ..
(HUGHES knocks ADAM’s head forward.) HUGHES Pay attention, pal. LEAR Thank you. Now,
Adam, do you know why we as humans aren’t still running
around the savannah
stealing from lions? (ADAM
focuses on breathing for now. LEAR begins walking around the table in
the
opposite direction ADAM did in the last scene.) LEAR Well, I’ll
tell you:
it was a mutation. Once upon a time, the creature from which humans are
descended mutated from a thing that could not reason into a thing that
could
partially reason, but only part of the time. It used its new ability to
move
out of
ADAM So what. LEAR Full rationality, the
ability to make a decision that goes against one’s own
well-being for the
benefit of others, is what we call “humanity.”
However, humans falsely call
themselves by that name just because a few of them occasionally show
some acts
of humanity. The bulk of the selfish mass is only concerned with the
proliferation
and satisfaction of itself without foresight. They do not represent
true
humanity; true humanity is found in a creature that is fully
rational all of the
time. ADAM And I suppose
you’re
that person.
(LEAR makes an impassioned gesture to him.) LEAR Not yet!
That’s just the point! No one is
truly there yet, but we, the breeds of nerd, are the closest. We are
only here
to help others evolve via our wealth of knowledge!
HUGHES We are
here to help, you know. ADAM Yeah, I’m
sure. . .
so why am I here again? LEAR I can’t tell
you
yet, I’m not done pontificating. Cid, get started in the
meantime. CID Right. (CID
moves over to LEAR’s laptop, sets ADAM’s laptop on
the floor, makes some
adjustment to the antenna box and starts typing. HUGHES takes his place
over
ADAM.) ADAM What is he doing? LEAR Getting started. . .
.Where was I? HUGHES Full humanity. (LEAR
goes into full demagogue mode. Gesturing, voice inflection, all that
good
stuff.) LEAR Yes! The next
evolutionary step after a creature that can fully reason part of the
time is a
creature that can fully reason all of the time, wouldn’t you
agree? Of course
you would. And if normal people are the former, then their intellectual
superiors must logically be the latter. And what mind, I ask you, is
more
superior to the norm than that of a nerd? ADAM None, apparently. LEAR Exactly! The varying
types of nerd gathered here in this room right now are not just
“gifted” or
“intelligent” people, Adam, we are the first
glimmerings of the next stage of
evolution! ADAM Are you done
pontificating?
(ADAM attempts to stand. HUGHES forces him
back down.) LEAR Just about. Now!
Evolution does not come about randomly, you know this I hope. It is
spurred by a
crisis of such magnitude that its victims must adapt or die. ADAM That’s the
theory
anyway. LEAR Some years ago I
attempted to initiate such a crisis by forcing the truth down the
throats of
those who would support the enemy. My First Resort famously failed
because it
was far too soft and very limited in scope, so here I am to try again. ADAM A Second Resort?
(LEAR solemns up.) LEAR No. . .this will be
my last. If this does not convince people of the crisis their ignorance
is
causing, nothing will. (HUGHES
holds ADAM still in his seat. By now CID has stopped typing and looks
over at
LEAR expectantly. LEAR walks behind CID and looks over his shoulder.) ADAM Just what are you
trying to do now? LEAR Tell me. Do you know
what “Gulf War Syndrome” is? ADAM It’s. . .
isn’t it
birth defects? (LEAR loses all his supervillain mannerisms and speaks very evenly with ADAM as if the two of them were alone. Occasionally a mad twinge of desperation enters his voice. He’s much more threatening now.) LEAR It’s actually
a
misnomer, since the same effects occur outside the ADAM Okay, now
you’re
insane. We haven’t—- LEAR Bunker busters,
armor-piercing rounds, even our tank
armor utilizes depleted uranium. Just because it’s
depleted doesn’t mean
it’s safe, Adam. Explosions of it contaminate air, land,
water, even the dust
from the explosion itself. And the surrounding populations suffer for
untold
ages from the effects.
(increasing madness) Legions of
squirming, wailing, crooked-boned, flipper-limbed and glassy-eyed human
babies,
Adam. Legions of them born from our insatiable desire to annihilate,
annihilate, annihilate our enemies. And the general public is too
caught up in
their vicarious television lives to care.
(return to rambling demagogue) That is the purpose
of the Last Resort, to show the entire viewing public of Fox News the real cost of war. It will be one
half-hour in length, the precise length of the national attention span.
Fifteen
minutes of uranium babies, five minutes of mutilated war corpses, five
minutes
of polluted environments, and five minutes of prisoner abuse, all with
detailed
explanations, cycled over and over again until –- people
–- finally –- get it.
And when they do, they will
experience an emotional and psychological crisis of such magnitude that
none
but nerds or those who become nerds will be able to survive it with
their
sanity intact.
(smile) Like me! ADAM But you’re
locked
out of Fox’s broadcast system, so you need me
to help you. LEAR
(laughing) No! Heavens no. They
secured the broadcast servers with Windows 2008 Wireless Edition. Cid
can break
through it in under an hour. We simply need your employee access codes
to the
building’s network to make the process as smooth as possible. CID Yeah, about that. With
or without him I should get started now if we’re going to get
it in before Noon. ADAM At Noon. .
.that’s--! HUGHES Yes. Right when
Trisha’s show starts. LEAR What? HUGHES You wanted a good
time to attack, so I gave you one. (LEAR
marches over and PUNCHES HUGHES in the face. He staggers back,
releasing ADAM.) LEAR You idiot! Now
he’ll
never cooperate! Cid, get started. (ADAM
stands up now that HUGHES is away. CID types busily.) ADAM Why broadcast such a
horrible thing during Trisha’s show?! HUGHES It’s
appropriate,
isn’t it? Show them all the truth when they’re
tuned in to their favorite
pop-culture tripe review. It was planning, wasn’t it?
Something a real nerd
would do, wasn’t it? (ADAM
balls a fist but LEAR beats him to it, PUNCHING HUGHES in the face
again.) LEAR But it was planning
for the goal first and the means to execute it second! That’s
never a safe way
to operate! Now look at all the effort I wasted bringing Adam here! ADAM It’s not
wasted at
all.
(ADAM rushes over to the antenna box.) LEAR No! (ADAM
grabs it by the antenna and SMASHES it against the desk. CID
disconnects and
closes the laptop in a hurry, standing up and clutching it to his
chest.) LEAR Swinging it like a
bone club! How dare you! (LEAR
advances on ADAM. ADAM drops the box if the antenna hasn’t
broken off yet and
the two fight for a moment. CID carefully backs up around the table
over to
HUGHES, who is wiping his face. ADAM quickly wins, knocking LEAR onto
the table.
LEAR slides off and hits the floor. ADAM looks to the other two.) ADAM Well? You’re
the
comic relief underlings, aren’t you? Isn’t this the
part where you try to
explain yourselves? That’s how it worked in the old cartoons.
Well? Come on. HUGHES . . .He had a good
idea. ADAM How the hell is
traumatizing an audience a good idea?! As if it would have worked
anyway. You
can’t scare people into caring about anything for more than a
couple of weeks
at a time. That’s the one thing I’ve learned from
this giant spin machine I’m
economically chained to. If you want to change people, you
can’t do it by
shoving bad things at them. The real change has to come from inside. (LEAR
stirs under the table. Pushes himself up. ADAM pays attention but
doesn’t stop
him.) LEAR That’s why
you’re
just a dork, Adam. I never had the illusion that everyone who saw the
Last
Resort would become a nerd. I wanted to bolster our ranks and burn off as much of the mental chaff
as possible. That way we
could continue keeping the rest of humanity safe from itself
-– safe long
enough to evolve at their own rate –- without anything
obstructing us. Like any
new mutation, we are afraid of becoming extinct and having our purpose
amount
to nothing. HUGHES Purpose. . .usefulness
to something. CID Yeah, um. Right now
I’d kinda like to make my feet useful. Dork-boy here cut me
off at a sensitive
point of the infiltration. I might’ve been spotted. LEAR Then we should go. ADAM You’ve got a
lot of
nerve thinking you can just walk away, Lear. LEAR Still such a dork,
Adam. Hughes could kill you barehanded if he really wanted to. And if
by some
miracle you hand me or any of us over to the police, we will not
hesitate to
explain how you aired the First Resort. Then
what would happen to your job and hers?
(ADAM stands frozen. LEAR walks right by
him.) LEAR
(chuckle) Ever never planning.
Your humanity is trapped behind your human emotions, Adam.
You’ll never evolve
that way. ADAM Emotions. . .you
mean emotions like an insane, unnatural concern that someone might have? (LEAR
freezes. Holds that pose a second. Looks down at the floor. Slowly
brings his
hands up to his head and runs his fingers through his hair, wide-eyed.) LEAR
(occasional crazed tittering) My. . .my concern. .
.no, of course it. . .yes, it. . .it’s natural, but then
humanity is unnatural,
but humans are natural, but concern for others is. . .the. .
.it’s. . ..
(CID and HUGHES look between each other,
concerned.) LEAR Wait. . .no, it’s -- it’s just too many! (LEAR
completely loses it, falling to his knees and LAUGHING like a madman.
HUGHES
gives ADAM a cautious look and kneels down as if to pick LEAR up
himself, but
LEAR bolts up with a mad epiphany.) LEAR
(laughing) It’s the
concern,
the concern about everyone! It
can’t be done!
It’s still an emotion -– still nature -– and
I can’t escape it!
(LEAR continues laughing as he exits.) CID Hey, wait up! (CID
rushes after him. HUGHES nervously looks between the exit and ADAM.) HUGHES It really was a good
idea, Adam. Trying to make everyone care about everyone else. .
.it’s still a
good idea. (HUGHES
exits after CID, leaving ADAM alone. ADAM stands there a moment, doing
nothing
but looking offstage. He soon takes a deep breath, dusts off his hands
and
calmly walks over to his own laptop laying on the floor by where CID
was
sitting.
ADAM
(sigh) Everything’s a
good
idea outside of reality. (He
casually takes his laptop out of the case, sets it on the table and
opens it
up. He begins typing.) ADAM Now, where was I? (ADAM
begins typing off and on as if browsing the Internet. The clacking keys
are the
only sound in the world, eventually fading out.) THE
END |