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SECOND by
Jack Duffe CAST OF CHARACTERS MR. CARD:
Boss of
a large business. JAY:
An advisor to Mr. Card.
Specializes in advertising. MIKE:
An
advisor to Mr. Card. Very enthusiastic. ELLEN:
An
advisor to Mr. Card. A commercial artist. SCENE An executive
boardroom in TIME The present. SETTING:
An
executive boardroom with an easel and several posterboard cards,
reverse side
facing out, set up for a presentation. AT RISE:
MIKE and
ELLEN are seated at the table, very anxious. ELLEN But what if our
customers don’t go for it? MIKE Who cares? It
won’t
really matter what we do.
(JAY stumbles in. He hasn’t shaved this
morning.) MIKE ‘Bout time you showed up. JAY Mmn. Sorry,
overslept. Sandra said you guys were up here. Did I miss anything?
(MR. CARD walks in behind him, wearing a
toupee.) MR.
CARD You almost did, Jay. (ELLEN
and MIKE rise for MR. CARD, who takes his seat. JAY defers to him with
a nod
and seats himself. MR. CARD looks over to the easel, puzzled.) MR.
CARD What’s this? ELLEN I brought that in for
display, sir. The projector’s been on the fritz since the. .
.event this
morning. JAY Event? ELLEN Didn’t you see
it? JAY No, I slept in
pretty late. . .what happened? MR.
CARD Mike, clue him in. MIKE Yes Mr. Card.
Let’s
see, how can I put this. . .while you were sleeping, Jesus came back. JAY Excuse me? MIKE Jesus H. Christ appeared
in the sky here and in JAY Whoa. Jesus? Seriously? MR.
CARD Yes. Jesus has
finally set a date for His return. This is a tremendous opportunity for
us. JAY MIKE Of course! Any major
event always carries the potential for insane profits. And this
isn’t just any
major event, it’s the Second Coming
of
Jesus! People have been waiting for this for almost 2,000
years! Imagine
the product tie-ins! MR.
CARD I don’t have
to. That’s
what I asked you and Ellen to do. JAY Wait, wait,
we’re
going to capitalize off Jesus? Isn’t that going to get
people, up to and
including God, pretty mad? MR.
CARD Not if you
do your job and come up with a
flashy enough ad campaign. Besides, Christians have finally been proven
right. It
won’t make a difference whether you help me make money off
His return or not
since you’re damned anyway. MIKE Yeah! Look on the
bright side: With all the money we’ll make, it’ll
be sweet living ‘til the end
of the world. ELLEN If it works. MR.
CARD Of course it will.
We’re making it, aren’t we? Now let’s get
started. (MIKE
and ELLEN head over to the easel.) MIKE For the record,
Ellen drew all these. We had some technical problems printing them all
off in
time, but hey. (ELLEN
scoots the easel into position as MIKE goes into full business-pitch
mode.) MIKE Now. One of the most
profitable things out there these days is Japanese animation. ELLEN Millions of dollars
a year. Millions and millions! MIKE And the fastest way
to get that money is to extort it through things little kids like, but
it’s not
just kids who love anime. A growing number of adults are-- JAY Wait.
“Extort?” MIKE Well, not extort
extort, but we help create the
demand and then supply all the product. It’s the Disney
business model, man,
you should know that.
(to MR. CARD) Now in short, sir,
we believe that the vast consumer base of Japanese animation is the
perfect
market to focus our attention on. However, we want this to benefit as
many
American jobs as possible, so we intend to forego foreign animators and
use one
of our own. Ellen, the card? (ELLEN
grabs the first posterboard card and sets it up. It features Jesus
drawn in
Samurai Jack style, holding a knight-sword and posing dramatically with
a
stylized Satan in the background. The caption reads, “SAVIOR
CHRIST.”) MIKE From the creator of
Samurai Jack: Savior Christ! The most awesome ass-kicking half-man
half-God
since Hercules! Second Coming in 2007! MR.
CARD Interesting. JAY Wait, why’s He
holding a sword? Wasn’t Jesus about love and stuff? ELLEN Exactly right!
That’s why He’s the good guy. (ELLEN
takes down the first card and puts up two more: character design sheets
of
Jesus and Satan in various poses and details.) ELLEN Notice the soft blue
eyes full of mercy. The only thing he’d ever think of hurting
is the bad guy,
Satan here. And that’s an important story point, by the way:
Jesus loves
everybody, but put him up against the dark legions and he’s
an unstoppable
force of truth, justice and goodness. MR.
CARD So he’s like
Superman. Does he have a home base? MIKE Well, no, he’s
more
of a wandering savior. MR.
CARD Kids always want a
playset of the good guy’s headquarters. Draw one up and have
it on my desk by
tomorrow. ELLEN Yes sir. MR.
CARD And one for Satan
too. A nice scary Hell playset, but not too scary. We want to attract some girls. ELLEN Oh, but Satan
already has a home base! Mike, the. . .. (MIKE
looks through the cards for a moment. JAY crosses his arms and shakes
his head.
MIKE finds the right card: a dark, evil United Nations building.) MIKE Uh. . .here!
Satan’s
home base, the United Nation building. JAY The U.N.?! MIKE No, the U.N. is the
United Nations. This is the United Nation, Satan’s headquarters of
evil. JAY Ellen, what were you thinking? ELLEN I know, I
don’t like
it much either, but we can’t just ignore the popularity of
those Left Behind books. I figured
it would
get us some viewers in the Heartland. MR.
CARD Brilliant! Leeching
off a fad is a great way to profit. ELLEN Thank you, sir. MR.
CARD But Satan seems too
powerful if he has that for a base. You’re telling me Jesus
beats him with
nothing but a sword? MIKE I see and foresaw
your concern, Mr. Card. To make sure Jesus would always win, and in
keeping
with the anime style, we had to give Jesus some impressive powers. (MIKE
puts up the next card: Jesus firing a white, crucifix-shaped energy
blast from
his stigmata.) MIKE Like this one: the
Stigmata
Beam! JAY “Stigmata
Beam?” MIKE Believe me, you do not want to be a demon on the receiving
end of it. See, the wounds in his hands are gateways directly to
Heaven, so
when he brings his hands together like this he can open the wounds and
shoot
out a blast of holy energy. Kids will think it’s so cool,
especially in the
comic version –- and there’s going to be a comic
version too, naturally. When
he uses the attack it’s a big two-page WHOOSH! You know, for
dramatic impact. ELLEN But he can’t
do it
all the time. He has to use his sword -- lots
of merchandise potential there –- whenever there’s
a chance he could fry an
innocent bystander. The bad guys don’t care about human life,
so that happens a
lot. JAY “A lot.” Just how many episodes were you planning? MIKE Well, we want this
to be a pretty big production, something to let us go out with a bang,
but
given the time frame, maybe 13 episodes. More if we hurry. MR.
CARD Just make sure the
final episode is aired well before September ’07.
I’d like some time to spend
all the money I’ll be getting. ELLEN Of course, sir. Now,
the plot will be incremental, building up to a final half-hour
confrontation
with Satan. In every episode up to that, Satan’s minions
–- Mike? (MIKE
switches cards. The next card features a bunch of clearly evil yet
almost cute
monsters.) ELLEN Satan’s
minions attack
one by one. Each one is stronger and nastier than the last, so
there’s a sense
of suspense as to whether Jesus can beat them. JAY Those look too cute
to be Satan’s minions. MIKE Exactly! They have
to be cute to appeal to girls too. Oh, and get this: Ellen actually did
some
research. ELLEN All the little
demons are named after actual demons in Christian mythos. Like this one
here?
It’s Sin from Paradise Lost.
She can
fire wild dogs out of her stomach. So not only does it represent a
strong
female figure for adolescent girls, it’s educational and fun for the kids. MR.
CARD Good! We can sell
them to churches based on that. They should be packed for the next
couple years
anyway. MIKE Right! And what
better way to teach kids about what they’ll be facing if they
don’t behave?
(JAY stands up, finally having enough.) JAY Okay, hold up a
minute. Are people really going to buy into all this? Selling something
that
people have such spiritual faith in –- have we no shame? MIKE Jay, buddy,
we’re
all going to Hell anyway. MR.
CARD I thought I covered
that.
What’s your problem with making a little extra money before
it all comes to
nothing? JAY My problem is that
you’re all acting like. . .no, you’re not even
acting like children, children
at least have some level of sense. Mr. Card, you have billions
in the bank, why don’t you use it to do some good with the
time you have left instead of looking for ways to get even more? MR.
CARD It won’t be
worth
the time. JAY Not worth the time?!
Do you really think Jesus will be nicer on you if you live the rest of
your
life selfishly? How can you think that packing more wealth into your
own
bulging pockets will be beneficial to you? MR.
CARD It’s just
business.
You’re taking it too seriously. JAY How can you not take this seriously? MR.
CARD We’re making
it,
aren’t we?
(Everyone looks to MR. CARD.) JAY . . .You
weren’t
kidding when you said that? MR.
CARD Of course not. I had
our electronics division cook up a hologram of Jesus and instructed our
affiliates in
(ELLEN and MIKE slowly boil to anger at MR.
CARD.) ELLEN It was really us all
along? MIKE How could you
deceive people like that? MR.
CARD Do you have a
problem with my methods? JAY
(suddenly solemn) Yes, actually. I
knew it was a false image, but it came from such a diverse area that I
had
trouble pinpointing it until now. MIKE Jay. . .? You okay? JAY I always am, my son. (Everyone
freezes. JAY stares a moment at MR. CARD, who jumps out of his seat and
stumbles backwards.) MR.
CARD Jesus Christ! JAY That’s my
name,
don’t wear it out. MR.
CARD Wait, wait, I can
explain. . .. JAY You can explain
later. (JAY
points his fingers at MR. CARD like Donald Trump.) JAY You’re fired. (MR.
CARD gasps, clutches his chest and falls over dead. MIKE and ELLEN back
away;
MIKE hides behind the easel.) MIKE Uh, look, I
didn’t
really. . .I just wanted to keep earning money for my family. . .. JAY Don’t worry,
my son.
You were merely misled. But I do have a request for the two of you. ELLEN Yes. . .? (JAY
walks over to the easel and looks through the cards.) JAY If you’re
going to
continue designing your show, don’t draw me so Caucasian. My
body came from the
(MIKE and ELLEN look between each other.) ELLEN Sure, we’d
love to! (They
approach JAY and step over MR. CARD’s body. JAY speaks as the
three of them
walk out.) JAY Excellent! We can go
to the fountain out front. I’ll make enough wine for all of
us. THE
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